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How I Met Your Mother Season 1 Episode 5
General Information Subtitles 1 00:00:13,103 --> 00:00:16,331 So, kids, would you like to hear the story of the time I went deaf? 2 00:00:16,383 --> 00:00:17,376 Why does he even ask? 3 00:00:17,422 --> 00:00:19,418 I know, he's just going to tell us anyway. 4 00:00:19,496 --> 00:00:20,633 I sure am. 5 00:00:20,664 --> 00:00:24,089 It all began when Robin strolled into the bar and said... 6 00:00:24,145 --> 00:00:25,164 Say you're my bitch. 7 00:00:25,226 --> 00:00:26,254 I'm your bitch. 8 00:00:26,316 --> 00:00:27,439 Why this time? 9 00:00:27,617 --> 00:00:32,067 Because tonight I'm getting us all into Okay. 10 00:00:32,132 --> 00:00:34,126 "Okay," awesome! 11 00:00:34,130 --> 00:00:35,901 What's going on? Did I just have a stroke? 12 00:00:36,633 --> 00:00:38,092 Okay is the name of a club. 13 00:00:38,149 --> 00:00:40,130 Yeah, it's supposed to be incredibly exclusive. 14 00:00:40,186 --> 00:00:43,212 This friend of mine once waited outside for two hours, couldn't get in. 15 00:00:43,263 --> 00:00:45,117 A friend of yours named You? 16 00:00:45,214 --> 00:00:48,113 No, a friend of mine named Shut Up. 17 00:00:48,604 --> 00:00:50,129 Yeah, well, the owner goes to my gym. 18 00:00:50,170 --> 00:00:53,519 It turns out that he is a fan of my reporting for Metro News One. 19 00:00:53,565 --> 00:00:55,153 So now I'm on the list for tonight. 20 00:00:55,202 --> 00:00:56,776 Nice going, Sherbotsky. 21 00:00:56,822 --> 00:00:59,608 You're becoming a long and difficult-to-spell household name. 22 00:00:59,744 --> 00:01:01,859 He's even getting me into the V.I.P. room. 23 00:01:01,915 --> 00:01:05,859 Yeah, he just wants to show you his own V.I.P., if you know what I mean. 24 00:01:06,027 --> 00:01:09,822 All right, what does V.I.P. stand for in your little universe? 25 00:01:10,993 --> 00:01:13,232 Well, I know that "P" is Penis. 26 00:01:13,998 --> 00:01:16,851 Great, so you guys are in. Should I invite Marshal and Lily? 27 00:01:17,763 --> 00:01:18,955 Why was this funny? 28 00:01:19,022 --> 00:01:20,102 I'll explain. 29 00:01:20,307 --> 00:01:22,734 You see, Lily was a kindergarten teacher, 30 00:01:22,797 --> 00:01:25,529 and so one fateful nap time... 31 00:01:25,551 --> 00:01:29,242 Austin and I spent Saturday night at the most charming little bed and breakfast. 32 00:01:29,257 --> 00:01:30,973 It was so nice. 33 00:01:31,069 --> 00:01:32,631 What did you do this weekend? 34 00:01:33,301 --> 00:01:36,967 Go, come on, chug, chug, chug! 35 00:01:37,090 --> 00:01:38,278 Ten seconds! 36 00:01:38,391 --> 00:01:40,281 Suck it, losers! 37 00:01:42,938 --> 00:01:45,686 You know, quiet time with the fiancé. 38 00:01:47,009 --> 00:01:49,651 I don't know, I just felt embarrassed. 39 00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:54,427 Claire is my age and she and her husband do all this classy grownup stuff. 40 00:01:54,503 --> 00:01:57,642 Maybe we should start doing some grownup stuff. 41 00:01:57,703 --> 00:01:59,925 That's some pretty grownup stuff we did this morning. 42 00:02:00,008 --> 00:02:02,143 Yeah, but it wasn't classy. 43 00:02:03,475 --> 00:02:06,029 Maybe we should have a wine-tasting party. 44 00:02:06,137 --> 00:02:07,360 I like wine. 45 00:02:07,554 --> 00:02:08,957 I like tasting. 46 00:02:09,045 --> 00:02:12,925 You know I can party. Let's do it. Let's rock it. Maturity style. 47 00:02:14,483 --> 00:02:17,734 And ever since then she's been signing him up for book clubs, cooking classes... 48 00:02:17,789 --> 00:02:21,998 All the things you do when you know where your next thousand lays are coming from. 49 00:02:22,080 --> 00:02:24,323 So, no, Lily and Marshall will not be joining us. 50 00:02:24,379 --> 00:02:27,041 Got it. Anyway, Ted, part two of my story: 51 00:02:27,104 --> 00:02:28,715 My friend Kelly's going to be there. 52 00:02:28,792 --> 00:02:31,266 Kelly, who supposedly I'm going to love. 53 00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:35,013 Oh, you are going to love Kelly. She's fun, she's smart, she lives in the moment... 54 00:02:35,071 --> 00:02:38,807 Translation: She's ugly, she's ugly, she ugs in the ugly. 55 00:02:38,879 --> 00:02:41,097 Oh, and she's totally hot. 56 00:02:41,167 --> 00:02:43,676 Okay, I guess I could take her off your hands for an evening. 57 00:02:43,703 --> 00:02:44,250 Hmm... 58 00:02:44,295 --> 00:02:46,846 So do you have any other hot, single friends? 59 00:02:46,853 --> 00:02:48,330 No. Kelly... 60 00:02:50,992 --> 00:02:52,699 Oh, no, Ted, your blazer! 61 00:02:52,743 --> 00:02:53,541 What, what, what? 62 00:02:53,564 --> 00:02:56,118 Somebody spilled gorgeous all over it. 63 00:02:56,156 --> 00:02:57,492 - Love it. - Thank you. 64 00:02:58,254 --> 00:03:00,486 And his hair was perfect. 65 00:03:01,172 --> 00:03:03,107 We're wearing the same shirt. 66 00:03:03,168 --> 00:03:06,599 Oh, wait, no, that's just my shirt reflected in yours. 67 00:03:06,702 --> 00:03:09,511 One of the 24 similarities between girls and fish 68 00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:12,169 is that they're both attracted to shiny objects. 69 00:03:12,242 --> 00:03:14,275 You really never read my blog, do you? 70 00:03:14,762 --> 00:03:16,517 All right, tin man, let's hit it. 71 00:03:16,567 --> 00:03:19,230 All right, well, have fun at your little disco, guys. 72 00:03:19,423 --> 00:03:21,083 What the hell happened to these two? 73 00:03:21,145 --> 00:03:22,712 Marshall and I are just growing up. 74 00:03:22,773 --> 00:03:24,410 Yeah, it's going to be sweet, too. 75 00:03:24,467 --> 00:03:26,347 Like tonight, we're tasting all these different wines, 76 00:03:26,398 --> 00:03:28,952 pairing them up with these cool gourmet cheeses. 77 00:03:30,008 --> 00:03:36,172 Wow, who knew being in a committed heterosexual relationship could make a guy so gay? 78 00:03:36,510 --> 00:03:38,737 All right, cool kids are leaving now. 79 00:03:39,102 --> 00:03:41,891 Grandma, Grandpa, don't wait up. 80 00:03:48,774 --> 00:03:54,011 My, oh, my. There are some ferocious-looking cutlets here tonight. 81 00:03:54,230 --> 00:03:56,141 All right, hookup strategy. 82 00:03:56,201 --> 00:03:59,565 Colon, find a cutlet, lock her in early, 83 00:03:59,632 --> 00:04:02,637 grind with her all night till she's mine. 84 00:04:02,949 --> 00:04:04,854 Do these strategies ever work for you? 85 00:04:05,125 --> 00:04:08,803 The question is: Do these strategies ever not work for me? 86 00:04:09,053 --> 00:04:11,357 Either way, the answer is about half the time. 87 00:04:13,201 --> 00:04:15,352 My bitches! 88 00:04:15,474 --> 00:04:16,325 Check this out. 89 00:04:16,385 --> 00:04:17,716 Um, they're with me. 90 00:04:20,988 --> 00:04:23,701 Um, we're her bitches, too. 91 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:26,758 We'll wait here. 92 00:04:28,356 --> 00:04:32,252 And with today's interest rate climate, you've got to go for the 30-year fixed mortgage. 93 00:04:32,274 --> 00:04:33,588 - Oh, totally. - Yeah. 94 00:04:34,321 --> 00:04:35,857 So, Marshall, what about you? 95 00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:37,598 You guys thinking house, baby? 96 00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:38,985 Oh! 97 00:04:39,635 --> 00:04:42,199 No, I think we're going to wait on the baby thing. 98 00:04:42,630 --> 00:04:45,181 I mean, I love babies. Babies rule. 99 00:04:45,446 --> 00:04:47,176 Pudgy arms and stuff... 100 00:04:47,264 --> 00:04:49,327 But, uh, they make you old. 101 00:04:49,450 --> 00:04:53,721 Kind of like this anchor weighing you down to one spot... forever. 102 00:04:54,315 --> 00:04:56,158 I'm three months pregnant. 103 00:04:57,443 --> 00:04:59,388 Not awkward, guys. 104 00:04:59,624 --> 00:05:02,306 Not awkward unless we let it be awkward. 105 00:05:08,261 --> 00:05:09,638 This place seems great. 106 00:05:09,704 --> 00:05:10,534 Is Kelly here? 107 00:05:10,596 --> 00:05:11,928 Yeah, she's around somewhere. 108 00:05:11,969 --> 00:05:13,904 Uh, let's go find her. I'll introduce you guys. 109 00:05:13,964 --> 00:05:16,817 Then I should probably duck into the V.I.P. room. 110 00:05:16,894 --> 00:05:21,067 It's so stupid and arbitrary, isn't it? Who gets to be a V.I.P. and who doesn't? 111 00:05:21,129 --> 00:05:22,096 Can we come? 112 00:05:22,138 --> 00:05:24,139 It's not that arbitrary. 113 00:05:26,807 --> 00:05:28,942 Whoa, this place is loud. 114 00:05:29,008 --> 00:05:29,965 You think? 115 00:06:17,623 --> 00:06:21,130 Think it was kind of weird that Ted didn't invite me out with him? 116 00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:26,291 Why? You'd rather be out at some dance club, all noisy and sweaty, with the... 117 00:06:28,134 --> 00:06:29,364 Is that what you want? 118 00:06:31,314 --> 00:06:32,911 Is this what you want? 119 00:06:33,095 --> 00:06:37,427 "30-year fixed mortgage... I'm three months pregnant." 120 00:06:42,109 --> 00:06:44,227 That was awkward. 121 00:06:48,308 --> 00:06:49,884 Let's start drinking! 122 00:06:50,258 --> 00:06:51,451 Not so fast. 123 00:06:51,550 --> 00:06:55,296 In order for the tannins to mellow, we should let it breathe for about 30 minutes. 124 00:06:57,416 --> 00:06:58,860 Freaking tannins. 125 00:07:31,153 --> 00:07:32,893 Do you know what they're doing in there right now? 126 00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:35,324 They're watching Claire's ultrasound video. 127 00:07:35,356 --> 00:07:37,864 And I swear to God, even the baby looks bored. 128 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,398 Come on, it's not that bad. 129 00:07:40,491 --> 00:07:42,876 We're really starting to click with these guys. 130 00:07:42,954 --> 00:07:47,732 Claire and Austin just invited us to their fondue fest next Saturday night. 131 00:07:47,822 --> 00:07:50,367 Are you honestly trying to get me excited about fondue? 132 00:07:50,460 --> 00:07:53,648 It's dipping stuff in hot cheese. What's not to love? 133 00:07:55,232 --> 00:07:56,998 Okay, that does sound good. 134 00:07:57,489 --> 00:08:01,806 But it's dipping stuff in hot cheese with boring people. 135 00:08:01,975 --> 00:08:04,673 Marshall, it's time for us to grow up. 136 00:08:06,465 --> 00:08:08,077 Marshall knew she was right. 137 00:08:08,139 --> 00:08:10,244 He had to stop acting like a kid. 138 00:08:11,155 --> 00:08:12,240 But not tonight. 139 00:08:13,674 --> 00:08:16,317 Now, our apartment was on the third floor, 140 00:08:16,403 --> 00:08:19,381 so I'm not sure if this part is actually true, 141 00:08:19,454 --> 00:08:21,703 but Uncle Marshall swears it happened. 142 00:08:25,332 --> 00:08:26,357 Taxi! 143 00:09:08,176 --> 00:09:10,000 The new album is great. 144 00:09:10,012 --> 00:09:13,180 It's all smooth and polished, not dark and heavy like the early stuff. 145 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:16,856 Oh, yeah, Nora Jones just gets better and better. 146 00:09:17,684 --> 00:09:20,250 Please, tell me we can drink the wine now. 147 00:09:20,330 --> 00:09:23,225 Five more minutes. We don't want to rush those tannins. 148 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,286 Freaking tannins. 149 00:09:52,773 --> 00:09:54,845 I'm wetting my pants! 150 00:09:59,955 --> 00:10:03,166 I think that's when I realized, clubs weren't awesome. 151 00:10:03,278 --> 00:10:05,306 Clubs weren't even okay. 152 00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:07,288 Clubs sucked. 153 00:10:08,487 --> 00:10:09,965 I had to get out of there. 154 00:10:11,799 --> 00:10:13,273 - Hey, Robin. - Hey. 155 00:10:13,344 --> 00:10:14,272 Why aren't you inside? 156 00:10:14,309 --> 00:10:18,055 I'm calling the owner. There's a guy in there who won't let me in to the stupid V.I.P. room. 157 00:10:18,128 --> 00:10:19,283 What are you doing here? 158 00:10:19,458 --> 00:10:22,337 Oh, I had this move, so I came here to bust it. 159 00:10:22,501 --> 00:10:23,472 Can you get me in? 160 00:10:27,051 --> 00:10:28,618 Great. Voice mail. 161 00:10:28,634 --> 00:10:29,606 Thanks, I'll see you! 162 00:10:29,617 --> 00:10:30,312 Bye! 163 00:10:30,369 --> 00:10:32,278 Oh, come on, he just got here. 164 00:10:32,350 --> 00:10:34,142 He's probably famous. 165 00:10:34,219 --> 00:10:36,824 Oh, yeah. Isn't there a third Affleck brother? 166 00:10:36,907 --> 00:10:39,702 Keith Affleck or Brian Affleck or something? 167 00:10:39,789 --> 00:10:43,143 Holy crap, we just saw Brian Affleck. 168 00:10:44,537 --> 00:10:47,352 It's not like I care so much about getting into the V.I.P. room, 169 00:10:47,424 --> 00:10:49,697 I have been in tons of V.I.P. rooms. 170 00:10:49,765 --> 00:10:52,207 I'm not exactly a V.I.P. room virgin. 171 00:10:52,478 --> 00:10:53,823 But seriously, call me back. 172 00:10:56,558 --> 00:11:00,341 Oh, um, I was just in there, Robin Sherbotsky. I'm on the list. 173 00:11:01,130 --> 00:11:03,470 Name's already crossed off. Sorry. 174 00:11:03,685 --> 00:11:05,857 But I'm Robin Sherbotsky. 175 00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,798 I'm a reporter for Channel One. 176 00:11:07,884 --> 00:11:09,255 There's a channel one? 177 00:11:09,359 --> 00:11:10,536 Back of the line. 178 00:11:12,273 --> 00:11:14,529 Should have snuck in with Brian Affleck. 179 00:11:48,272 --> 00:11:52,238 Aah! Coat wench, do not uncheck that man's jacket! 180 00:11:52,469 --> 00:11:54,835 Sorry, just being dramatic. You're not a coat wench. 181 00:11:54,847 --> 00:11:56,656 No, no, no, coat wench, I like it. 182 00:11:56,735 --> 00:11:58,496 I should get a sign made up. 183 00:11:58,808 --> 00:12:00,794 What are you doing here? Lily let you go? 184 00:12:00,856 --> 00:12:02,990 Lily? Who cares, right? 185 00:12:03,043 --> 00:12:04,481 - You are so dead. - Oh, I am so dead. 186 00:12:04,537 --> 00:12:06,710 - Wow, I'm going home. - No, uh-uh. 187 00:12:06,745 --> 00:12:09,381 I put my ass and probably other parts of my body on the line 188 00:12:09,422 --> 00:12:11,537 to come down here and party with my bro. 189 00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:13,027 Now, damn it, we're going to party. 190 00:12:13,077 --> 00:12:14,271 All right, one beer. 191 00:12:14,358 --> 00:12:15,117 Yes! 192 00:12:15,177 --> 00:12:17,706 Finally, I don't have to wait a half an hour for a drink. 193 00:12:25,205 --> 00:12:27,519 Oh, man, I can't believe I forgot to tell you this. 194 00:12:27,572 --> 00:12:28,950 This is important to the story. 195 00:12:29,017 --> 00:12:33,518 Earlier that day, Marshall went to the dentist and got a temporary crown put in. 196 00:12:33,573 --> 00:12:34,991 Okay, so anyway... 197 00:12:54,902 --> 00:12:56,997 Marshall, are you okay? 198 00:13:19,533 --> 00:13:23,202 Again, I wasn't there, so I'm a little foggy on the details. 199 00:13:25,946 --> 00:13:27,083 Taxi! 200 00:13:30,590 --> 00:13:31,261 Hey. 201 00:13:31,676 --> 00:13:32,357 Hey. 202 00:13:32,428 --> 00:13:35,020 Marshall just ditched out on our own party. 203 00:13:35,056 --> 00:13:37,322 Can you get me in there? I kind of need to kill him. 204 00:13:37,472 --> 00:13:39,340 Actually, I can't even get myself in. 205 00:13:40,271 --> 00:13:41,567 I was such a dork. 206 00:13:41,645 --> 00:13:45,616 I get recognized one time, and I start thinking I'm Julia Roberts. 207 00:13:45,853 --> 00:13:47,450 I'm no V.I.P. 208 00:13:47,712 --> 00:13:49,416 I'm not even an I.P. 209 00:13:49,473 --> 00:13:53,661 I'm just a lowly little pea, sitting out here in the gutter. 210 00:13:54,111 --> 00:13:55,576 You know something? 211 00:13:55,651 --> 00:13:59,181 I'd take a pea in the gutter over Julia Roberts any day. 212 00:13:59,208 --> 00:14:00,178 Hmm... 213 00:14:15,001 --> 00:14:16,292 I broke my tooth! 214 00:14:16,774 --> 00:14:17,674 Do you have... 215 00:14:18,626 --> 00:14:19,655 ...any aspirin? 216 00:14:20,588 --> 00:14:21,617 Maybe there's... 217 00:14:22,525 --> 00:14:23,587 a machine in... 218 00:14:24,381 --> 00:14:25,457 ...the restroom. 219 00:14:32,969 --> 00:14:35,539 Now to this day, I don't know what happened in there, 220 00:14:35,711 --> 00:14:38,322 but when Marshall came out a few minutes later... 221 00:14:49,654 --> 00:14:50,621 Rough night? 222 00:14:50,698 --> 00:14:51,564 Yeah. 223 00:14:52,132 --> 00:14:55,075 These clubs are supposed to be fun, right? 224 00:14:55,168 --> 00:14:56,683 Why do I hate them so much? 225 00:14:56,771 --> 00:15:01,389 Because all of the stuff you're supposed to like usually sucks. 226 00:15:01,511 --> 00:15:04,430 Like these clubs... or cruises. 227 00:15:04,871 --> 00:15:06,273 Or New Year's Eve. 228 00:15:07,459 --> 00:15:08,987 Or the Super Bowl. 229 00:15:09,059 --> 00:15:10,273 Or parades. 230 00:15:10,697 --> 00:15:12,049 The Rockettes. 231 00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:13,386 Or parades. 232 00:15:13,723 --> 00:15:17,011 - You said that already. - I really hate parades. 233 00:15:17,049 --> 00:15:17,814 Okay. 234 00:15:18,945 --> 00:15:23,303 He just left in the middle of our own party! You don't do that. 235 00:15:23,528 --> 00:15:27,059 Unless, of course, you're chasing after somebody who's already done it, 236 00:15:27,108 --> 00:15:29,574 and then... then I think it's okay. 237 00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:33,646 Well, I hate to take his side, but come on, a wine tasting? 238 00:15:33,738 --> 00:15:36,268 What's the big plan for next Saturday, Scrabble night? 239 00:15:37,143 --> 00:15:38,566 Don't check your e-mail. 240 00:15:39,571 --> 00:15:41,725 Why are you becoming this person? 241 00:15:41,812 --> 00:15:45,232 I heard that in college you flashed a campus tour group on a dare. 242 00:15:45,300 --> 00:15:46,994 Once on a dare. 243 00:15:47,075 --> 00:15:49,062 The other times were just for fun. 244 00:15:50,271 --> 00:15:52,380 I'm not in college anymore. 245 00:15:52,446 --> 00:15:57,142 I'd love to go back and be that person again, but you can't move backwards. 246 00:15:57,216 --> 00:15:58,610 You can only go foreword. 247 00:15:58,678 --> 00:16:00,192 Um, false. 248 00:16:00,418 --> 00:16:02,180 You can go wherever you want. 249 00:16:02,276 --> 00:16:04,371 I guess the question is, where do you want to go? 250 00:16:04,470 --> 00:16:07,602 I want to go into this club and find my fiancé. 251 00:16:07,709 --> 00:16:09,414 Well, that you can't do. 252 00:16:10,710 --> 00:16:12,086 Want to bet? 253 00:16:12,884 --> 00:16:14,217 Follow my lead. 254 00:16:15,900 --> 00:16:17,074 Hey, big guy. 255 00:16:20,299 --> 00:16:21,851 I said follow my lead. 256 00:16:22,107 --> 00:16:24,441 - Please, please. Come on. - Follow her lead. Do it, please. 257 00:16:24,565 --> 00:16:26,868 - Follow her, please. - Yes, please. 258 00:16:32,306 --> 00:16:36,627 Those were the four greatest and only breasts I've ever seen. 259 00:16:40,624 --> 00:16:45,664 Yeah, see, if everyone keeps telling you something is supposed to be fun, it's usually not. 260 00:16:45,716 --> 00:16:46,433 - Right! - Right. 261 00:16:46,503 --> 00:16:50,974 So, by that logic, if you and I were to say, go out on a date... 262 00:16:52,315 --> 00:16:55,147 Well, then we couldn't go anywhere that's supposed to be fun. 263 00:16:55,174 --> 00:16:57,384 Right. The DMV it is. 264 00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:58,684 Then we'll get our teeth cleaned. 265 00:16:58,746 --> 00:17:00,118 Sounds awful. It's a date. 266 00:17:00,179 --> 00:17:01,075 Okay! 267 00:17:01,418 --> 00:17:05,652 But there's still one big question that needs to be answered. 268 00:17:06,872 --> 00:17:09,611 How many of these coats do you think I can put on all at once? 269 00:17:54,693 --> 00:17:57,515 Okay, for the wedge... 270 00:18:18,104 --> 00:18:18,910 Barney? 271 00:18:19,586 --> 00:18:20,400 Ted. 272 00:18:20,755 --> 00:18:22,177 Get your coat. We're leaving. 273 00:18:22,279 --> 00:18:25,991 What... what happened to that, um... cutlet you were grinding with? 274 00:18:26,043 --> 00:18:27,605 That was my cousin Leslie. 275 00:18:27,738 --> 00:18:30,666 - What?! - No, no, no. 276 00:18:30,728 --> 00:18:32,576 We're not laughing about this, Ted. 277 00:18:32,602 --> 00:18:35,879 This is not gonna be some funny story that we'll be telling in a couple months. 278 00:18:35,931 --> 00:18:41,493 It's not gonna be like, "Hey, ha, remember that time when you were grinding with..." No. 279 00:18:41,901 --> 00:18:43,037 And you know why? 280 00:18:43,099 --> 00:18:46,906 Because-- italics -- this night did not happen. 281 00:18:46,968 --> 00:18:50,000 You promise me you will never, ever, ever tell 282 00:18:50,077 --> 00:18:52,733 another living soul what transpired here tonight. 283 00:18:52,789 --> 00:18:54,285 - You promise. - All right. 284 00:18:54,336 --> 00:18:55,965 - Promise. - All right, I promise. 285 00:18:56,022 --> 00:18:57,731 - Get Marshall and go, okay? - All right. 286 00:18:58,238 --> 00:19:00,706 Hey, thanks for saving my night. 287 00:19:00,772 --> 00:19:02,031 I'll talk to you soon? 288 00:19:02,346 --> 00:19:04,397 Um, hey, tip her, Barney. 289 00:19:04,470 --> 00:19:05,642 Why? I didn't check a coat. 290 00:19:05,693 --> 00:19:08,172 And even if I did, on principle, tip jars have become so... 291 00:19:08,182 --> 00:19:10,023 Funny story: Barney was grinding with this girl all night... 292 00:19:10,036 --> 00:19:10,920 Fine! 293 00:19:14,324 --> 00:19:15,923 I learned a new trick. 294 00:19:28,908 --> 00:19:31,883 So, Marshall and Lily rediscovered their youth. 295 00:19:32,398 --> 00:19:33,500 It was nice. 296 00:19:34,882 --> 00:19:37,954 And then it got... icky. 297 00:19:46,911 --> 00:19:50,245 I'm really glad you guys came out tonight. 298 00:19:52,215 --> 00:19:54,671 You know, dude, can I just say something? 299 00:19:55,823 --> 00:19:58,926 It kind of hurt that you guys didn't invite me out. 300 00:19:59,264 --> 00:20:02,659 I mean, I know things have changed since I got engaged, 301 00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:04,932 but it would have been nice to be asked! 302 00:20:05,020 --> 00:20:06,888 I'm sorry! I just assumed... 303 00:20:06,948 --> 00:20:09,469 They played some good songs tonight! 304 00:20:10,092 --> 00:20:11,404 I mean, lately... 305 00:20:11,415 --> 00:20:16,601 I know, I know. It just seems like suddenly we're living in two different worlds. 306 00:20:16,897 --> 00:20:19,187 Maybe you've got more in common with Barney. 307 00:20:19,209 --> 00:20:20,134 What? 308 00:20:20,933 --> 00:20:22,453 Are you crazy? 309 00:20:22,541 --> 00:20:24,849 You think I like going to those clubs? 310 00:20:24,911 --> 00:20:28,183 I'd so much rather go to your fruity little wine tasting. 311 00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:29,790 Oh, God, I'm gonna barf. 312 00:20:29,927 --> 00:20:31,776 Where's my purse? Where's my purse? 313 00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:33,154 I'm okay. 314 00:20:34,654 --> 00:20:39,718 The problem is, you can't do any of that couple stuff unless you have someone to do it with, 315 00:20:39,778 --> 00:20:42,257 and the only way I'm gonna find that someone is by going out 316 00:20:42,319 --> 00:20:44,705 and doing stupid single stuff with Barney. 317 00:20:44,752 --> 00:20:45,698 What? 318 00:20:47,491 --> 00:20:53,808 But, man, when I find her, we're gonna have some bad-ass wine tastings. 319 00:20:53,906 --> 00:20:55,236 It's a plan. 320 00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:59,067 Hey, maybe it'll be that cute coat check girl. 321 00:20:59,139 --> 00:21:00,120 Yeah! 322 00:21:00,382 --> 00:21:01,913 Maybe it will be. 323 00:21:02,125 --> 00:21:03,454 It wasn't. 324 00:21:05,754 --> 00:21:09,414 You know, Ted, I don't say this nearly enough, but I really... 325 00:21:09,427 --> 00:21:11,733 That place has great salads!